“mother’s mother” is loop video about the inevitable transience of a human life. It is based on my contemplation of the cyclic character of nature and was conceived while living in the countryside. In the video a naked woman walks a track in a shape of a spiral in a dark space lit by one spotlight. She starts standing in the middle of a circle created by light, and then walks bigger and bigger circles. As she moves the rays hit different parts of her body. So sometimes she is fully lit, other times she disappears completely in the darkness and then appears slowly again only to half disappear a moment later, creating a rhythm between the light and the darkness.
On the wall there is a clock. It’s old with a pendulum. I still hear it at the dawn and dusk, during the summer and winter solstice. Even though it stopped when my grandma died, it ticks in my memories, in my heart.
I walk the spiral of time, creating an invisible line, after my mother, after my grandmother, after the prehistory. In the coffin there is somebody else. She looks like her mother not my grandma. They say it’s a DNA, but I still believe in Transcendence, even at the price of Eternal Return or regression.
In Buddhism it is believed that after death the soul has 49 days to check their consciousness and digest their karma. I waited patiently with Her and then went to the countryside for the next 9 months. I woke up with the Sun and fell asleep with the Moon. And I didn’t think what day it was in the calendar but how high the Sun was in the sky. And even though it was year 2016, every day felt like it compressed that day from the year before, and before and before… And so I read my diaries to recognize my pattern and the one of my mother and my mother’s mother.
I learn that Butoh is also a dance of walk. Natsuko, Furu, Anya, Siggi and a pregnant woman help me comprehend it and embrace it. My grandma used to recall how I learnt to walk as a child. I was very slow and clumsy and when I finally made a few steps on my own, my cousin would run by and made me fall down. I would stand up and make other few steps and then again- fall down on my bum. So it took me a while to reach my destination, yet I never gave up.
The old man at the centennial hall told me to go to the Alps to observe the brevity of conscious mind and the longevity of conscious nature. And if there comes a war, it is also a good place to hide. I told him my sister would get married on 17th September and I went straight to the film studio to practice my walk in the dark to accept inevitable process of living a human life.